martes, 2 de agosto de 2011

Not a beautiful day

Someone once told me that sometimes it is impossible to face obstacles and handicaps and you just have to accept it, deal with it as good as possible and move on. Today, i feel blue, as if the rest of the world was shining, tearing me apart. Today is one of those days in which you got a feeling of loneliness and just need someone out there to hold you without asking anything at all. Today is a moment in which there is no sense of future but past, shaking all the memories, blowing your mind. When it comes to this, i do not know exactly what to do, nor how to react; the only thing i know is that i just got to go through it and be braver than the previous time. It is curious the fact of mentioning time: i have been fighting against it so many years. If there is an antagonist who is worth to fight against is it... Time. It keeps on moving, leaving behind all the moments, all the faces, all the nights and shots. Nobody can catch it and make it go slow, have you ever tried? I have not. Today is one of that days in which i am scared because of time. I am terrified. Somehow i just find the patience and reckless courage inside to not waste my time, but sometimes it is unfit, just another useless attempt to see stuff more clearly. What if someone just wakes up such an ordinary morning and realizes that his life has been totally wasted? What if the only thing you need is to take a look around you? Some time ago, i just started to feel so much better, started to hear my sound and stand on my own two feet, on a solid ground, and i would even lie if i said that i did not pretend to be like that. But, suddenly, i could bump into some stuff that made me feel alive again, made me have a reason to get up every morning and keep on growing up, made me feel happier and appreciated. But not today. Today is a day in which happiness is over and this sparkling sun is defining my sense of freezing. Today is that day in which i do not care about other people complaints, i just do not want to see them yelling and arguing about stupid or important things, that does not seem relevant to me, not today. Today i just want to cry, to flood my pillow with tears i cannot shed anymore and let this sadness melt away among my hours. Today i just look forward not to be myself, to play an overrated role in this fake society of forced smiles. Today i just need to let some seconds slip in order to lose myself in a jungle of grotesque thoughts. Today is one of the days in which you cannot breathe in, nor breathe out, and the spit becomes stoning in your mouth. Today i have nothing at all in my pocket, nothing at all in my brain. Today there is much fun outside to take, and many plans to do, things to say and jokes to make. Today is not a beautiful day, but today is just a day... Tomorrow is coming.

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